By: Belle O'Hara
I never considered myself to be the “relationship type”.
I had all the dating apps, I met up with the guys, and then I always left those meetups with no desire to see them again. I used to think it was me—I simply wasn’t someone who was made to date. I was always ghosting or friend zoning these guys that I simply had no motivation for, I was starting to get exhausted.
Over the summer I expressed these concerns to my mom while we were driving into Oakland. I gazed at the Monongahela river and felt the warm summer air on my face. “I just think I have commitment issues, that’s why I will never be in a relationship.” I mentioned off-handedly.
I think if my mom could have slammed on the brakes she would have, and what she said has stuck with me since, “Isabelle, don’t even manifest that to yourself, the more you say it the more you convince yourself it is true. You do not have commitment issues, you just haven’t found the person you want to be committed to.”
I think that this is such an important thing for all of us to keep in mind. I didn’t have commitment issues, I had high expectations for myself and knew my worth when it came to finding someone I wanted to be committed to. There’s nothing wrong with you if you want to be alone, you are an independent person who is comfortable enough with themselves to recognize you don’t need a partner.
There is no guidebook when it comes to dating, no timeline. We find our person when the time is right, and it usually comes when you least expect it.
Rewind to February 22, 2022 I was distractedly swiping through tinder and came across a man with a cute smile and good music taste. A rare but easy swipe right from me. We matched, and a week later we met outside of Pizza Romano at 1 am (how romantic). We stayed in touch for the two weeks following, and I got welcomed back to campus from spring break with a “Hey Belle, I think we should just be friends” text.
Humbled is an understatement of how I felt at that moment.
I managed to keep my disappointment at bay, and we truly did stay friends. We were a little shy of each other at first, but by the summer he was truly one of my best friends. Those feelings for him never went away, but my ego and heart refused to admit defeat to him again, so I kept it to myself. But, whenever my mom told me I would be committed when I found the right person, he was the first face I thought of.
By the end of the summer going into O-Week, I was starting to get frustrated. I never have been the hopeless romantic type, and I was embarrassed with myself of how just flat out obsessed I was with him. I just had this gut feeling we would work, and as each day went by it seemed as though the universe was trying to prove me wrong.
Being single but wanting to date is a confusing and exhausting process. You have so many strike outs and receive so much blatant disrespect that when someone holds the door for you it is easy to imagine getting married to them. The bar is literally in hell. All I would say is don’t silence that little voice in your heart. You know what you deserve, and you know when those needs are not being met, and when they are. It's easy to convince yourself you are overreacting or being dramatic, but you know you best, and you deserve the best.
For the longest time I tried to convince myself I was crazy, because every time I looked at this man I had this terrifying, amazing gut feeling that he was my person. I still feel crazy for saying that. But it’s Valentine's Day, so I am embracing my hopeless romantic side and I encourage you all to do the same. Love is a scary and intimidating feeling, but once you let yourself be vulnerable and find that person, you will be so appreciative of all of the stages you went through to get there. Whether you want to be alone, don’t understand dating, or are in a relationship, embrace the feelings you have now.
Focusing back to the present day, I have now been with this silly little tinder man turned best friend turned boyfriend for over five months. The wait was worth it, my gut was right, and my heart can finally say,
“Ah, Finally”
Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you all, but especially you, Andrew Clarke.
Xoxo belle